Sunshine & a fresh set of nails

Holy shit it’s been a hot minute. I will do a catch up blog at some point as there has been A LOT going on in the last 12 months (18 months really). But, this is the first time i’ve had the urge to actually pick up my laptop, log in to my blog, and start writing (typing) rather than journaling or avoiding my thoughts all together so here we go.

What a difference some sunshine and a fresh set of nails makes.

It’s that time of year again where I struggle with the two hobbits inside my head - one that says you must get out and be productive and be achieving things, and the other that says you should stay in bed and hide all winter and not talk to anyone or do anything. It’s a constant battle to find the middle line that allows me to still be a functional human but also take care of myself and realise that I need more sleep and more downtime at this time of year where it feels like its dark all the time and nothing is ever going to be better ever again. Dramatic, I know.

Seasonal depression exists man. I don’t know why I forget that EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. The grey, rain, lack of vitamin d, shorter days, cold weather and loneliness (especially now that i’m single) is just rough. I wasn’t built to go without sunshine for 3 months of the year.

Amazingly, I am slowly discovering things that pull me out of this slump. I know, I know, some of these are glaringly obvious. But honestly? It’s been a bit of challenge to even drag myself out of bed in the last month, so the reminder that these things (albeit basic) actually make a world of difference to me, and maybe to someone else struggling with the same feeling.

SUNSHINE. Do whatever you can to sit in the sun for a minute, 10 minutes, or as long as you can. Whether this means getting out for a walk at lunch, or even just relocating from bed to outside in your oodie. Just to get some of that beautiful sunshine on your face. Even better if it’s out in nature. Or near water. But we’re going for baby steps here. Also, take vitamin D as the sun doesn’t always come out in winter (as we have aggressively found out since moving south - a story for another time).

DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL PRETTY. Now this one sounds superficial, and it partly is. BUT it works. For me anyway. This weekend in particular I was feeling really low, and after checking in with myself I realised my nails were a big source of my anxiety (nail biters unite). So, as much as I hate paying to get my nails done (cost of living crisis and all), I took myself out of the house and braved the mall to go and get a new set of nails. Boy was it worth it. I now feel like when I talk to people i’m not conscious of my hands, I feel prettier and therefore feel more confident, and they just make me feel a bit more put together and in control of life. Weird I know, but its a real effect for me. So find the thing that gives you that boost of confidence. We live in a consumer based world, especially with the influences of social media, and it’s okay to lean into that every so often, when you know it will have a positive effect on your mental health and general wellbeing. That could mean anything from a new piece of jewellery to a haircut, to a new pair of shoes. Works similarly when you are trying to encourage yourself to be more active and you buy new active wear to motivate yourself. My only caveat with that one is that buying the new thing and then not doing the thing it was meant to help you with is not as great (anyone else buy fitness equipment during lockdown and NEVER use it?? That was a weird time for everyone okay?).

CONNECTION. Find this where you can. I know it’s hard when you feel like you have no one. I know it’s hard when you feel like you’re not invited, or you’re annoying people, or getting in the way. Take people at their word when they say you’re welcome to come over, or welcome to join in, or welcome to tag along. They wouldn’t say it if they didn’t mean it, stop overthinking it.

I knew I needed to get out of the house in the weekend. I knew I needed sunshine. I didn’t have the motivation to take myself on walk so knew I needed other people to pull me along. The only other person I knew who was doing anything that day was my mum and her friends. Bearing in mind these are all women in their late 50’s - 60’s, so not exactly my demographic, BUT all it took was a call to mum, and a quick ‘can I come on your girls walk today’ to line something up to get me out of the house. And far out those women walk fast (long-legged beauties that they are). It was so good to get out and get active, and to be honest it was actually really nice to chat to them too. Nothing too major because we’re not super close or anything, but it was great to put things in a bit of perspective life wise. Nothing like hanging out with older women to realise you have time to change your life., but the core values still stay in place (girlhood being one of them).

SLOW DOWN. I’ve spent my whole life being told that I must work hard, be educated, be successful, keep learning, earn more money, get ahead in live, invest, buy a house, always be looking for whats next. And honestly, social media really does not help this (another rant for another time). But it is OKAY to slow down, have calm evenings where you don’t do anything apart from get home, cook dinner, and watch tv. Especially in winter. Call it hibernation. But in general, you don’t have to be operating at 110% all the time. Especially if you work for someone else. Remember that. They are paying you for your knowledge and skills, but they are not paying you for 110% of your capability (otherwise you would be getting paid wayyyyyyy more). So slow down, operate slower when you need it. Remember that if you woke up with 60% energy and then gave work 60%, that’s you giving your work 100% and leaving nothing for yourself. No wonder you’re burnt out and tired.

Eat food that fuels your soul. And drink water. It’s amazing how much better I feel in the morning when i’ve had lots of water the day before. Uncanny really (insert eye roll here). Obviously. Are we surprised? No. Do I continue to neglect drinking water anyway? Yes. Also hydrate before you caffeinate. I read that someone a couple of years ago and it sticks in my head each morning.

Food wise, focus on SOUL FUEL rather than ‘health is wealth’ or that crap. If your soul needs pizza, get the damn pizza. Just everything in moderation my friend. Not sure about you, but if I have fried food more that 3 days in a row iI don’t usually end up feeling so great. Not to mention my skin gets yuck. Which contradicts point two about feeling pretty. Eat some vegetables every once and a while.

So those are the top tips I have rediscovered this winter. Do I do them all? No. If I did I probably wouldn’t have written this blog. But that’s how this works. Whatever i’m struggling with ends up coming out in a stream of consciousness onto a page (or laptop screen in this case). Hope this helps if you’re struggling with that fun seasonal depression thing too :)

Much love,

M xx